Ok blogosphere...I have something to admit. And I'm hoping other moms can relate and that someday I'll look back and realize this was absurd, but right now it's reality. So, here it goes.
I'm terrified to have another child. Terrified. And now that we're considering trying for another this year, this fear is revisited in my mind almost daily.
This fear began when Drew was little and we realized he was such a laid back baby that wasn't hyper and was always happy. I knew I got lucky with such a wonderful child who listens well, behaves (for the most part) and has an incredibly sweet demeanor. As he entered older classes at daycare and we spent more time out and about with him, it was apparent that Drew is just an overall good kid. One could argue nature versus nurture here and I won't get into what we believe, but the point is that Drew is a wonderful first child.
Another part to this fear is routine. I have endured tons of change in my life, but for the most part I prefer routine. I like our schedule with Drew and we have worked out every kink over these past 2 years. I feel as though we really know him and what he needs and wants. I feel as though our communication with him is wonderful and the three of us work perfectly together. Like a tripod. Is it wrong that I'm completely petrified to add in a factor that will completely uproot all schedules and routines for months and potentially years?
And let's not forget to talk about sleep. This momma got VERY lucky with a baby that slept through the night at an early age and has pretty much never changed. Sure we've had the occasional sickness or rough night, but I worship how wonderful of a sleeper he is and am terrified the next one will be the opposite. What if we get a baby that won't sleep through the night until they are THREE like Derek did?
The last part comes directly from other moms. I can't tell you how many mothers have told me 'you only get one good one'. Ok?? So what you're saying is that the next one will be a crazed spitfire of a child who never listens and never sleeps? Um, thanks for that wonderful encouragement before we even get pregnant again. I mean come ON people. Way to add fuel to the flame.
There are so many more reasons like getting fat again and avoiding alcohol or WORSE; having an unhealthy baby... but you get the picture. I just can't shake this fear and it's somewhat taking over my life. I know we want a sibling for Drew, but if it's true and you only get one good child, then do we really need another? So there it is. Normal? Maybe. Maybe not. But it's the truth.